Starlix icky, my inner voice and a stress free life

After yesterdays Starlix induced headache, dizziness and general ‘uckiness’ I’ve decided that I won’t be continuing the Starlix experiment. My A1c is 5.8…. for the most part my numbers are good with only the occasional ‘oops’ moment…. not enough to justify not feeling ‘right’. Besides the morning ‘after breakfast’ highs aren’t consistent…. the same breakfast that one-day jumps me to 200 the next day only bounces me to 140 (and that’s starting with nearly identical FBG numbers) no rhyme or reason so I’m just going to go with the flow.

I’m doing my best to not be so hard on myself…. this level of ‘anal retentiveness’ is difficult to sustain and I have to start living in the real world and managing my diabetes in a way that is realistic and that I can ‘do’ day in and day out.

What helped me get to this point? Sunday I was puttering around the house, cleaning, doing laundry, watching a little TV and all of a sudden I broke down and started crying. I got overwhelmingly sad…. the goals I have set for myself regarding diabetes at that moment seemed daunting. The thought of keeping this up for the rest of my life seemed impossible…is impossible…. for me anyway. My inner voice was screaming “give up…what’s the use” and that attitude scared me a little because if I could so easily convince myself to throw in the towel, I’m more on the edge then I had thought. I grabbed a bag of chips that my daughter had left at the house and ate three handfuls without blinking. I was perfectly ok with the ‘fact’ that I had just buggered up my BG levels…. to hell with it…. but when I checked two hours later I was at 86. The fact that my numbers didn’t go nuts was dumb luck, pure and simple…. and that really isn’t the point. The point is that I was prepared to see a high BG and I convinced myself that it didn’t matter and that I didn’t care. By the way…. I’m not a big chip eater, I have no idea why I reached for the chips, other then to thumb my nose at diabetes and dare it to mess with me.

So I’m going to try to be a kinder gentler Monika….

And on the 'eliminate stress from my life' front:
One of my employees drove a 16-foot box truck through our loading dock garage door….

Yep….this is me having a stress free life.