Grocery shopping, hitting a plateau and 157

When I was diagnosed, Dr. N sent me to a certified diabetes educator. I promptly went to her office to schedule my appointment, thrilled that I would have her expertise at my disposal. The first appointment she had available was 4 weeks away…4 weeks…. one month…. 30 days…. what? Did they think I wouldn’t need to eat before then? I was mortified. In the days since I heard the lovely news I had goggled myself silly, searched the entire web over for anything and everything diabetes related. I was going to take this bull by the horns. But as so many of us find when faced with this, for every question asked there are a dozen conflicting answers…dozens of opinions on how to manage this disease and what works for one person many not work for another. Heck we have completely different opinions on what constitutes normal BG levels. The more I searched the more confused I got…. the more confused I got, the more overwhelmed I felt.

But I had to eat. Which meant that I had to brave the isles of a dreaded grocery store. I managed to figure out where my BG level should land. I got advice on how many carbs I should be consuming, but that was really all the information I had. I bought books recommended by other diabetics and started wading though the different eating plans out there. I learned quickly that the exchange system didn’t work for me…. much to complicated, so I settled on counting carbs. So arm with this new found system I headed to the grocery store. Holy crap. I wandered the isles reading labels…. I read and read and ended up putting very little in my cart. No pasta (which had been a staple) no rice (I actually have tried several time and nope can’t eat it) none of the usually trusty old standbys. That first trip ended with me abandoning my cart, heading for my car and sitting in the parking lot in tears. It’s gotten better in the months that followed, but grocery shopping still isn’t one of my favorite things and it still takes me twice as long as it use to. For the first month I ate nothing but apples and non-fat yogurt…. I’m pretty sick of apples and I’ve only recently been able to stomach yogurt again. I’ve learned to make shopping lists…. I’ve learned to eat simply…. meat, veggie, little bitty carbs work best and by the time I had my appointment with my CDE she informed me that she didn’t think there was much she could teach me that I hadn’t already learn on my own…. Right now I’m just waiting for diabetes burn out to hit…. because I’m human and I hate this and it’s just bound to happen one day soon.

I’ve hit a plateau. Two weeks at 168 and if the scale moves at all, it moves up to 170 and then back down to 168. This bites…. I hate it. Before D Day I had convinced myself that I was ‘ok in my own skin’…. I was much more evolved then all those diet obsessed people out there living and breathing by the bathroom scale. I was happy in my size 18 pants and truly that was all that mattered…right? Yep…lies all lies. Now that I have to watch what I eat…. now that I need to drop some weight, I’ve become obsessed. Early on I was dropping several pounds a week and of course I had calculated how much I would loose at that pace by a certain date, every time I lost a little more just reinforced my hitting my goal by that arbitrary date I had set up in my own mind…. heck it was doable. Right? Damn body with a mind of its own. Damn plateau. Damn unrealistic goal. Damn hating to exercise…..damn diabetes.

I caved this morning…. caved to the new coffee creamer flavor I found. Chocolate caramel….oh yummy….. 157 two hours after one cup.

Forgive me my sweet splenda and welcome me back into your goodness.

Crap…..