Why is it so hard for me to get that through my head? Even a half-cup of cereal with soymilk doesn’t work for my control. Three hours after eating…. 178. I saw the number and felt like crying. Between cereal and my period that once tight control I had is gone…. I feel like a complete failure…. Like a fraud. I’m losing weight again (down to 162) but I can’t seem to keep my BG under 140…. heck I’m having a hard time keeping it from peaking in the 200’s. I go in for my A1c on the 20th…. betting my number is going to suck. Dr. N was convinced that once I lost 20 pounds I would be able to get off the meds, I’ve lost 28 and I’m thinking that’s looking less and less likely as time goes on.
I’m lazy…I want easy food…. no fuss. If I don’t have quick easy options for meals and snacks that don’t mess with my BG, I’m going to fail by reaching for the cereal…or the sandwich…. or whatever else might be around that doesn’t take long to prepare. Even before I was diagnosed I gravitated to fast, quick meals. Love Rachael Ray and her 30-minute meals, love convenience. I know that an egg and sausage is something that my system can tolerate…. but it takes longer to prepare then putting cereal in a bowl and pouring milk over it. The truth is sometimes it’s hard for me to feel hungry for the ‘right’ food…. I don’t know why that is, but I can have a piece of chicken on my plate and take one bite and just not feel like eating it…. it doesn’t taste right…. it’s not what I want. Of course if some walked into the room with a Jack-in-the-Box bag I’d get my appetite back.
I’ve always been a binge eater, skipping breakfast and lunch and eating only dinner, or eating lunch and skipping dinner, one meal a day and maybe a candy bar sometime in the middle of the night. I’ve never been a big drinker (water, juice, soda) a can of soda use to last me all night. (Until I was blessed with diabetes that is) I’d rather eat bread or a potato then meat, would only eat vegetables raw and lived for pasta of any kind.
I have a lot to overcome…. a lot of really bad habits to change. I have no problem not eating…. that it seems is the problem. I know I can’t have a Big Mac for dinner…. I have to actually feel like eating the things that are good for me, rather then pick at my plate and not eat a full meal.
Good grief I’m a mess…. and here everyone thinks I’m such a shining example of how to manage diabetes.
If they only knew….
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1 comment:
Try the low carb special K, that works well for me.
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